Thursday, June 29, 2006

"Gitanjali," or, as known by its English title, "Let my country awake"

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action---
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

A wonderful poem by Rabindrantah Tagore.

Reminds me of my school days. The day used to start with the morning assembly. This poem was read on a particular day of the weak after the national anthem had been sung by the students. It is the only "Thought for the day" which I vividly remember from my school days. It used to instill in me lots of love, passion for India. It had a certain aura to it and it made me proud of my nation everytime I heard it. I also remember that one day when I recited a poem in the assembly. I was very scared, my legs were trembling as I stepped out of a group of around 1000 students to recite the poem in front of the whole school. I really don't know how I fared; for once I started reciting the poem, I have no recollections of the pace at which I went or the words I spoke. It must have been OK, becuase I got a decent applause at the end of this effort. School days ! I wish I could go back to school. I am very exhausted becuase I have been typing my final stage report for the past 2-3 days. And though I wanted to sleep, the lovely poem just sweeped through my mind conjuring memories of my school.

Ahh ! I remember this one time when participating in an inter-hostel debate, I had the guts to try out something afresh. The topic was "The World is heading towards self-destruction". Niharika madam helped me pen down the debate. I remember starting like this "Imagine myself as a bird, flying to different countries. Where shall I go? USA.... No way ! My children would then go to school, get arms and shoot each other. Horrifying. Or should I visit Chechnya ? On second thoughts no. The acid rain will destroy my wings" and so on. While I was debating, I tried to imitate the flapping of wings of a bird using my hands. The whole school rolled with laughter at this gesture. After the debate and before the results, the house master of DRH (min you i was in PH and it was an inter-hostel debate) walked up to me and shook my hand. He was moved by my performance. The judges were not, and when I returned to my class (shell schocked at having lost when I was expecting the first position) the whole class welcomed me by copying my flying gesture. It as in the air for a few days, the bird thing and then it died down. Thanks to Niharika Madam for giving me my best shot.

I took part in an inter-class poetry competition and I recited a poem by TS Eliot. I remember the last line
"And this is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang but a whimper".
Again an outrageous performance applause everywhere but I lost; to the same girl who had won the debate the other day. She sang a poem on Macavity a mystery cat. It went something like this I reckon "Macavity, Macavity, u defy the laws of gravity". Sexy poem.

Its not tha i always lost. I won the inter-school zonal coding competition and brought back the trophy we had last few years back to our arch-rivals YPS Mohali. Oops ! I forgot to mention my school name, YPS Patiala. I also remember winning tennis matches for school and hostel. I ran in the 3000 metres race on the Athletics day for my hostel and came third. No mean achievement.

I was a brilliant kid, no doubt,a perfect all-rounder. Sports, debates, poetry, academics, you name it I could excel in it. One thing I never had was friends. I just stayed away from everybody. I went to school by a bus. Attend all my classes, not bunk any of them as some of my batchmates did. I should have bunked one or two to hand out with them. Play tennis in the evenings. I had to improve on my tennis, so I couldn't spend the sports time meandering on with my friends, could I ? And then the zeal to top the class time and again. So i hurried home after school and got bac to homework immediately after some refreshments.

I was invited to birthday parties and I went to all of them. We used to play "hide and seek" and wait for the return gift when we knew the party was about to be over. I used to throw a party every year as well. I liked to entertain my friends by playing cricket with them. I didn't like "hide-and-seek" much. I remember on my 7th or 8th birthday. I received some 12-15 gifts. Almost 80% of them were pencil boxes. That was the cheapest sensible thing you could get to gift someone. It dawned to me that since the time I had been attending birthdays I had been gifting pencil boxes to my friends. OccassionallyI would gift a "Famour Five"/"Nancy Drew" books to the boys/girls respectively. It was a lesson; maybe I had inculcated the same habit in all my friends; it was the easy way out, wasn't it. From that day onwards, I never gifted pencil-boxes. I used to search for a good gift, spend time looking for it. relaised the importance of gifts.

Crushes! I had a few crushes. I can recollect 3. But thats it. I was the shy kind. I could never talk to any girl. I am still :). There was this one time when in class 5; in a midbreak brawl; one of the girls picked me up and threw me on a table. It was fun, those years.

I was caught cheating in 5th standard. That robbed me of the Best Junior school student trophy. I was again caught in 7th. It was my comp science teacher, Manvinder Sir. He just changed my seat and he was disappointed by my actions. I felt real embarassed. He was one person i was fond of. I have never ever cheated in an exam since then. That was the only semester in my 5 years of studying computer sceince at YPS when I got less than 99 in the subject. I rocked when it came to computers.

I had a fight in 10th. I would call ita draw. I don't remember the cause we were fighting for.

And yes ! the food carnival in 8th. There was this day in 8th when all students were grouped into teams of 5 each and were aksed to get any home prepared dish to school. The idea was to prepare it yourself; not take help from the parents. But over the years, it had turned into an unsaid agreement that parents would prepare the dish and students would just decorate the dish. I think we prepared the "Russian Salad". Fabulous preparation, very tasty. It had beans and lots of other things (I can't recall today).

Lots of memories! Some on the mischeivious front. The best possible use of concave mirrors I have ever seen in my life. All that hustle when someone would bring one of those magazines to school. We would tear up pages; sit on the last bench and read the stories. Peeping into school bags when we had no right to do so. Typical Boyish stuff !

When i entered my 10th class, I asked my parents to give me a vehicle so that I could drive to school instead of taking the school bus. They gave me my first vehicle, a luna (Panther was the make). When i returned home at 5:00 in the evening, I was accompanied by my classmates on their Enfields, scooters and motorcycles. They would span the whole road and sing "Bade Bade pahiyo se badhi hai iski shaan, Panther, Panther". An advertisement on TV those days for the Panther I proudly owned.

School was fun. I wish i could sleep tonite in the stadium of the school under a clear blue sky.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Infatuations - extravagant, short-lived passion.

Following the FIFA World Cup and seeing it in the LT at IITB with some 100-200 more students is a lot of fun. The comments from the viewers are worth registering amongst one's memories. What is fun is the extravagant, short-lived passion all of us develop for the stars of a game. Just imagine; girls shouting Kaka, Messi, Becham, Gerrard and cheering them on when they haven't ever been interested in soccer throughout their lifes. And its not just the girls. We get so emotionally attached to our favourite players within a game. One of my freinds yesterday ditched a boozing session and one of the reasons attributed a win by England (which he did not desire). A lot of people root for Argentina, Brasil and get so attached that they stop appreciating the guile, craftsmanship and the moves of the opposition. I am no exception. I am a fan of England and I am happy on days when they play well. When they do not perform to expectations, I feel dejected, sullen. And i sometimes wonder why ?

I wonder why i am so attached to England ? Why I would love to see the Englishman(clad in their lovely red attires) win the World Cup ? I have been following the game for what; 3-4 years; I have seen 100 odd matches; I have never seen the likes of Lahm, Podolski, Saviola, Tony, Maniche perform prior to this world cup and still I root for England without much knowledge of other teams. What is it that binds me to them and not to lets say Ecuador ?

Good play attracts lots of fans. Good looks supplementing good play absolutely captures the hearts of those watching the game. Kaka is an example. Ronaldinho and Kaka might perform at par but who would captures the hearts of those watching the game; Its Kaka. Strikers are more appealing than defenders atleast to the naive followers of the game. All infatuations. They disappear as soon as the performance slumps within a game or when the match is over. The names of players then rest on the status messages of many. Even mine at times.

And then I ponder, what binds a team( or a player) to a person who is watching the game for the first time !

Monday, June 19, 2006

Whenever in doubt !

I have by my experience learnt a simple test. It has worked for me quite well, so would like to share it. In relationships, I always used to be confused about the feelings of another person for me. I never could judge whether a person liked my company or not. And it seems very silly making a vain effort to strike a chord with someone when the other does not have any feelings for you.

What I did learn was that in such cases it is best to let the relation go loose. Do not try to indulge yourself in the company of the other! Sometimes it is also cool to not meet/talk with the person for a day or two. Then if there is true love and affection between the two hearts, the person will come back to you and the bond shall grow tighter. If you are not approached, a bond of the kind you imagined/wished for never existed in the first place and therefore do not continue with same effort as it will most likely lead to dejection.

Dreams

A perception of the wannabe ? Where we can achieve everything we aspire to be !
A relection of the inner state of mind. Sometimes, a guilt feeling for the wrongs we commit in broad day light ! At other times, elation for all that we have achieved during the day.
An arena where we can expand our horizons, imagine the wildest of stuff such as dinosaurs chasing us down in our own homes or be a part of the X-MEN league.
A place where we can set correct all our blemishes and faults !
A revelation of the future, faintly perceptible and lacking clear delineation !
And many a times, too abstract to be comprehended.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Thought for the day

Only a brave man can stand in the wall.

Friday, June 16, 2006

The whole wriggling thing

I have to wriggle out of this hole. My eyes want to rest and go off to sleep, I am listening to Chopseuy time and again, my heart wants to go on a drive ... but I know I must study today. What a predicament !

Beautiful morning

It got up at around 8:30 in the morning today. I had had some very bad dreams last night, I remember one of them quite vividly. It still sends a chill or two down my spine as I recollect it now. [But thats another story, will write on Dreams some day].

When I got up, I could hear the ever so pleasant voice of the raindrops outside my window. I came out of the room to see a familiar sight. Greenery all around, outside my window, on the hill trudged many a times which takes us directly to Vihar lake, the hostel grounds, everything was lush green. I hope it rains a lot today and I wish this is the start of the rainy season I have been awaiting for so long. After all it might be my last feast of beautiful weather and lots of rain for a longggggggggg time to come. My room window provides a panaromic view in the rains and I am going to savour it for the 20 odd days I have at IITB now.

One thing I am missing today is the aroma that fills up the atmosphere when it rains. The aroma of the wet mud, especially in the first few showers of the season. Its slowed down a bit and I am off to take a walk in this rain.

Thank you Rain Goddess for everything. :)

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Relationships - The script of my life

Something which I have been trying to comprehend for the last 5-6 years now. They are a complex web. An understanding of most of the relationships in my life has defied me till now. I have lost some of the dearest ones since I have not been able to understand the bond I have had with them.

Relationships can be categorised into 3 broad categories. If there is another kind, i still haven't experienced it or I don't remember having experienced it.
1) The first one I guess is the one we have with our parents, grandparents and other close relatives. As one friend put it aptly, its "infinite parental love" bestowed in such relationships. No complaints there, the advice/care i have received from my parents has always been the best. Another friend remarked a few days back that when we travel away from our homes (especially the boys) we tend to move a bit away from our parents. The fact that we begin to make our own decisions (sometimes adverse ones such as oversleeping/over-eating/not staying very clean), gives us an air of freedom not usually enjoyed at home. In the wake of all this, advice from parents to mend our ways seems irritating and unwanted for. And most of the students like me move away from home in their adolescence. In my case, such circumstances occassional trigger an outburst of anger on the phone and a guilty conscience follows suit.
I have no clue how parents feel when their children quarrel with them for no reasons at all.

2) The second one is our relationships with our friends. This has two subdivisons for me
a) Friends I always believe I cannot live without :- This is by far the most complex one for me. I have had a few such relationships which can be categorised into this domain. These have more or less scripted the past 5 years of my life. Some of them are now over, it seems finished forever. And when such bonds have been broken, they have always brought me a lot of pain, sadness and suffering. Those are the times I remember mostly today. I dont know why ? They have taught me a lot none-the-less. Possessiveness is one quality of mine which has made me suffer dearly. I have learnt a universal truth "Never get too close to people. From a distance apart, all that is visible are the good characterisitcs of someone's nature. As you get closer, you tend to start noticing the shortcomings and the imperfections in others" (Caution : These imperfections might exist only in your perspective, but then isn't that what matters the most.)
What I had forgotten is the immeasurable joy I experienced when these relationships were maturing and the friendship bond was getting stronger. This I can interpret from the hapiness I extract today by the development of new such relationships in my life today. In the last year of so, I have found bliss in the company of some of people i barely knew an year back. And while I was getting to know these people I remembered the good times I have had with some of my friends in the past (whose only memory brings me pain and sadness otherwise). Its not that i can't keep friends forever. Ones who have understood me and acclimitised to my shortcomings, have been steady friends forever. As i close my eyes and reflect on the past, i remember the bike drives, the trudge to Chinkos, the discussions we had in the late night, tennis, the most useful advice sessions, the testimonials on Orkut, the booze sessions, the bonfire on wing roof-top, the trek to Naneghat and Mahuli, the extraordinary night when we had Chivas Regal, the summer of 2003 (marked by pocket tanks and EP lab), the trip to Goa, the bike trip to Pune, PAF work (especially Khrashein), the watch i bought, the soup I had at a friend's place with the most comforting advice ever, the valfi ..... "MYSTIC EXPERIENCES" they were, most essential for self-actualization.
b) Friends I can live without :- The most coolest of relationships. The most beautiful aspect of such relationships is the lack of expectation on the part of the parties involved. Would like to say here that all my relationships with friends lie in this domain at the start. It is from here that they mature and stronger ties develop over a period of time.

3) Love :- I was browsing through Orkut when I read a befitting quote " Single = Happy. But sometimes you want to opt for happier". There is not a stronger feeling in the world as I have realised. It propels you to do the craziest of things. Better than to love is the feeling of being loved by someone. The path is not always easy as there are frequent quarrels and lots of expectations. It also seems apt that every good thing has to come to an end. It did finish all of a sudden. And it has left me some of the most craziest and delightful memories. There was a time when i loved to love her, now I love her loss, later on I will love her thoughts.

A complex web, indeed.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Monday morning !

I dont think so I would have a more enjoyable Monday morning for years. A night out watching soccer followed by "V for Vendetta", dosas at Maddu, tea at Main Gate, cricket in the institute main ground. However, it wouldn't have been so special had it just finished there.

Ironically, in the 7th over when I got out, (as if it had a relationship with my dismissal), it began to rain. We ran for shelter to the Gym in the SAC. We were waiting for the rain to stop hoping we would be ble to continue our game. The rain only got fiercer and the chances of completing the match began to wither away. At that time, I, Mahesh and Candy decided to step on to the field and have some fun. We went to the pitch (which was almost puddled) and inspected the track giving our expert comments. I had seen one of the commentators using his keys to estimate the softness of the track and I followed suit. We had tennis balls and we started taking catched diving to our sides splashing in the water that was beginning to collect on the outfield. It was sheer delight as I had been waiting for the rains to arrive and I had missed the first few showers of the season last-to-last week. It rained for around an hour and in that hour, I also managed a small 5-10 minutes drive.

What an enjoyable Monday morning !

Sunday, June 11, 2006

3 - 2 - 1 Execute

Warning : Do not read this if you are planning to se M-I-III in the coming few days.

The movie was fun just like the first two M-I movies. It had more action and the stunts were better. When compared with other stunt action-packed movies, M-I-III provides a more realistic, a more natural and gritty feeling. Tom Cruise was at his best in doing what he does best. The sprint in the end was awesome, the action scenes on a bridge very exciting, but what stole the show for me was the jump from an 80 feet building. Tom Cruise is one person who does his stunts himself, and would have made an excellent stuntman had he trudged that path and not taken up acting.

And the gadgets as well as the use of technology. Absolutely superb. They always leave me wondering as to whether such state of the art sophisticated weaponry truly exists. I hope it does and all this not just a manifestation of the writer's or the action director's mind. Unique were the 4 guns in the first scene, controlled remotely, taking out all the terrorists in a building. The whole exercise seemd to simulate an entire army.

And how can I not mention Maggie Q. If in a team of 4 agents, if there is one girl, then she is definitely there for some purpose. Maggie Q looks beautiful, not only in her agent costumes but also the ravishing dress she wears on a mission in Italy. And don't get me started about her car on the mission.

All in all a thrilling experience.

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Violin Saga - Summarizing my last 5 years at IIT

A violin played in the blistering sun,
The whole world listened to its melodious song,
The violin had a home where it played,
Its voice clearly audible to the rest.

One fine day, it stepped out from its place,
With blessings of all it rode its luck,
Started playing at a different place,
Failed to sing a melodious song,
the violin it seems had lost its touch.

With patches of happiness and patches of trust,
With times of confused sadness and mistrust,
For 5 yrs, the violin played,
Trying its best to rock the world.

Mastered different songs for different occasions,
It did gain a lot, learnt the ways of the world,
However, with a melancholy air it ponders,
Was the journey worth the effort?

The thrill of playing morning cricket

The last few days have been quite extraordinary. Here I am, still at my insti while many of my friends (and to be colleagues) are having a ball at Sonar Bangla, ITC. It was a huge disappointment not being able to join ITC in June itself; especially when I have been waiting for my job to start for quite some time now. I mean, how long can a person stay at one place doing similar stuff all the year around and frankly speaking, not doing anything at all for most part of the year ? Its not that I have been leading a mundane lifestyle, but I feel a change of place and work would be better for me now.

And in the background of all this, I have started playing cricket in the mornings. It actually began yesterday when I had boozed all night and was thus awake in the morning when some of my enthu hostelmates were leaving for cricket. I joined the group only to make a real mockery of myself barely able to stand on the field. What was fun was the the thrilling finish to the match yesterday, the match being settled in the last over.

That would have marked the end of my cricketing days at IIT had it not been for a lovely junior who came to my room in the morning today at around 6:00 to wake me up for the day's play. A lot of things rolled through my mind then. The initial inclination was to have a nice sleep. I do not have an inkling what drove me to get up and get ready for cricket. I reached the field just in time for the game to start. We won the toss and I opened. The idea was to stick around for the initial 4-5 overs and then start throwing my bat around (It was a 12 overs game). The bowling was preety decent and I was not at my best. Singles came in plenty and boundaries were scarce. When i departed (thanks to an over-timed shot) the score was 25 in 6 overs. It was a good start by all means and we ended up with 63 in 12 overs. We bowled well except for the occassionaly bad over, but it was the sloppy fielding (and more importantly the casual attitude of some of the team members) that led us down. We lost in the last over of the match, by 1 wicket. There were umpteen good deliveries in the last few overs, all beating the batsmen but none uprooting the stumps.

It was always my dream to play cricket on a proper pitch with all the proper cricketing equipment (the head gears, the pads and so on). I have got closer as I am now beginning to play on large grounds with good players. The adrelinine rush while chasing a ball, the eagerness to field well, set good fields; everything is so very thrilling and enticing. More importantly, the last week or so has very enjoyable and strangely, I have not missed not being at ITC. I attribute that to morning cricket, which has added a new dimension to my last few days at IIT (dominated mostly by my DDP, Orkutting and regular boozing). Come 10th July and I shall be joining ITC. Hope I can play some good knocks by then and develop my cricketing skills.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Fanaa & The Doors

For the last 4 days, I have listened to either Fanaa or the Doors. Liking the music of Fanaa is I believe a temporary phase. I have liked much of Hindi music in the past listening to some of the melodies repeatedly for days together ! But the passion for Hindi music has always died down eventually. The Doors on the contrary have been evergreen. Since I first listened to Doors some 3 years back, I have always relished their music and their songs. And liked them on all occassions, on times when i have been insanely drunk and very happy to times when I have been dejected and sad.

Templates

Templates ! I do spend a lot of time selecting my templates; be it for an official presentation or my personal web-page. I guess the template selection should be able to convey some information about a person. I have attended presentations and many a times, my interest in a presentation has been turned off by the sheer choice of the template in the background! Its actually silly when you do not concentrate on the information in the slide but rather appreciate/criticise the template. And yes, I have fallen to pray to this silliness often !

What exactly attracts a person to a particular template! I would love to know. I always like darker ones. Especially ones with a bluish black tinge to them. The sky blue ones also appeal a lot. I guess blue appeals to me more than any other colour! But again, Why so ? I ridicule when people choose green templates with leaves in the background. Or the traditional white ones, they appear dull to me. But then, there is always the chance that many in the past would have pondered at my choice of bluish-black templates and would have been swept away by a wave of similar ridiculousness!

The World Cup

Its almost time. The world cup starts on the Friday, the 9th. I have been waiting for it reading newspaper articles everyday trying to follow the cup. The articles in the Times, on the sports page, typically with the headline being the countdown to the World Cup, lie in my room. I must say that my knowledge about the game and some of the icons of the game has improved drastically in the past year or so. I attribute that to my college life wherein I have spent some time discussing soccer players and probable teams which have it in them to run away with the cup.


Its not surprising that almost everyone believes Brazil will win the cup. The whole Champion's league has been dominated by the likes of Ronaldinko, Kaka, Adriano, Robinho, Lucio, Edmilson, Cafu and Roberto Carlos. However, i am a bit apprehensive about the performance when all these greats play besides each other. Can the best in the world play like a team not aiming primarily towards personal glorification? The answer is pretty close with Brazil knicking off against Croatia in the ensuing week. If they manage to do that; I personally feel only England has the potential to stop the Brazilians.


Many people might not agree with that. But i do have faith in English defenders. Neville, Campbell, Ferdinand, Terry are some of the best defenders in the game. And if they can not stop Brasil, I believe no-one can. You always expect the Brasilians to score a few, and in such circumstances, an attacking midfield with Gerrard, Lampard, Cole and Becham is always handy. I am not sure if England will win the Cup. These big tournaments are a totally different ball game with all teams almost equally strong and one lucky strike can help the minnows take out the favourites. And then my lack of the knowledge of the potential of many strong sides such as Germany and Holland is a huge enough deterrent to comment on the outcome of the Cup. But I strongly believe that if England go on to face Brasil sometime in the championship, the English will cruise through.


Thus we are all set. The slates have been wiped clean and the quest for global glory is open to all 32 qualifiers. As I said, Its almost time.

Yesterday night

A very interesting way to end an otherwise mundane day. My most enjoyable treat at Pizza Hut, Ice-cream at Naturals, a Martini and Margerita shared with an enterprising junior, and a not so expected dinner at Aura's. The "Get slim" campaign has taken a serious blow with alcohol consumption in the last three days. None-the -less, each of the nights has left me with some vivid memories to cherish forever.
My first blog