Well well well.
Its all getting too confusing. Pressure is mounting, things are going out of control . The job is getting tougher day by day. Loosing control of the floor, not knowing what is hapenning where, how to proceed ? What awaits us in the future. All I know is that the next month is going to be a hell of a month.
Nothing besides the daily schedule. A movie a day has become the routine whenever I find time. No enthu for liquor also. Surprising ! :) Tennis, Squash etc is almost history. Maybe need a tennis partner at the earliest.
What is complex are the emotions. Emotions which dictate the day and change too fast for my liking. Sometimes the will to undertake something big and and on other occassions an easy go-chill attitude in life. A conflict with the inner self. I have lost interest and I fear if this is the way I am going to live the rest of my life ! Have to crawl out of this, dont know how ! Have to figure it myself, dont know from where to channel the energy to do so !
Wht is that that I want , I dont know ! Maybe nobody knows ! Maybe some know ! Maybe the ones who know do better ! Maybe everyone goes on this path blind folded and discovers as he/she goes on. I thought I will also discover as I go on. However the roads seems too serpentine and not leading anywhere. What do I need ? A break ! Cant afford it ! A thought ? Many cross my mind at the same time! A friend to talk to ? No, I need to resolve things myself. Then what do I need ? The need to know what I need !
Sometimes I feel it was much better 4-5 years back. Atleast the energy was there to explore. But what has changed in the last few years ! Maybe something has, which has triggered this all ! and maybe nothing has changed, it's all just a perception. What is that I look for . For peace ? for truth ? for freedom ? for happiness ? for love ? Why ? All feeble emotions of a desperate human existance trying to justify the existance of something that does not exist ! And where does this all end ?
Everything else is more or less Ok in life!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
2006-2007
Its been an year since I blogged. An eventful year of my life.
In retrospect, I would say "It has been an year which has probably taught me the most about my professional strengths and weaknesses, has acclimitised me to what I felt were mundane jobs with no thrill, has helped me link the micro in my life to the macro, has brought me closer to my family and friends."
I have found new friends; quite influential ones. Guidance by Raveen is by far the most enriching experience of last year. I have had a lot to learn from the likes of Sarfraz, Yash, Mounish, Sarabjeet, Sandy, Satish and my affable customers. I have seen Chennai to some extent now and I believe its not too bad a place to live in. Only problem being its a bit too dead and you need good company to survive Chennai.
I have missed Kunnu, Dola, Mayur, Saransh, Preet, Rahul, Chandu, Saloni, Shikha, Utsav, Tolu and umpteen other juniors who will always be a very important part of my life. Boka, Khushboo, Sam are the ones I have turned to for advice and enthu, when the two were needed the most. For a change, my relationships from college have spilled over to my working life :) (very much unlike my school days where I totally lost contact with my school friends). ITC has been a rewarding experience with a host of challenges, opportunities and horizontal growth. It still continues to be after 1 year of dedication to ITC.
However, what seems to be still lacking is a direction on what to do, what to achieve and how to do it ? Maybe the question will always remain, at every turn of life ! Every day, I resolve to find the answer to the same and everyday I fail to accomplish the task ! Guided by others, I move with no vision of my own, lost in the sands to time, grappling to find that one thing that will blow me out of my mind.
In retrospect, I would say "It has been an year which has probably taught me the most about my professional strengths and weaknesses, has acclimitised me to what I felt were mundane jobs with no thrill, has helped me link the micro in my life to the macro, has brought me closer to my family and friends."
I have found new friends; quite influential ones. Guidance by Raveen is by far the most enriching experience of last year. I have had a lot to learn from the likes of Sarfraz, Yash, Mounish, Sarabjeet, Sandy, Satish and my affable customers. I have seen Chennai to some extent now and I believe its not too bad a place to live in. Only problem being its a bit too dead and you need good company to survive Chennai.
I have missed Kunnu, Dola, Mayur, Saransh, Preet, Rahul, Chandu, Saloni, Shikha, Utsav, Tolu and umpteen other juniors who will always be a very important part of my life. Boka, Khushboo, Sam are the ones I have turned to for advice and enthu, when the two were needed the most. For a change, my relationships from college have spilled over to my working life :) (very much unlike my school days where I totally lost contact with my school friends). ITC has been a rewarding experience with a host of challenges, opportunities and horizontal growth. It still continues to be after 1 year of dedication to ITC.
However, what seems to be still lacking is a direction on what to do, what to achieve and how to do it ? Maybe the question will always remain, at every turn of life ! Every day, I resolve to find the answer to the same and everyday I fail to accomplish the task ! Guided by others, I move with no vision of my own, lost in the sands to time, grappling to find that one thing that will blow me out of my mind.
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