So what is life and what does it want?
Is it kind of a flying machine ? Flies all the way to different lands looking for a resting abode. A place where one can sit and Njoi ! Njoi living life ? I don't know; but the problem is one feels one is always flying; the resting abode is too distant and too far away. Some say that's good; how on Earth will you realise your full potential if you start resting and don't fly ? Some say its bad; I mean do you really wanna be a flyer, why not just rest and have fun resting when everyone around is going mad just trying to fly ? What does it want ? even more difficult ! Which resting place does the flying machine want ? Aha ! Blessed are those who know ? As for me I have never discovered the answer to that question !
Is it a clock ? Keeps on moving ticking away slowly. Minutes becomes hours; hours become days ...... and finally grows into something huge. Just ticks away slowly , every moment walking by . You don't even know what you are losing leave aside gaining (again gaining is a pleasure of the blessed few) ; I believe you are born to loose ! There are times when the battery runs out and you stop for a while ; lost in a dreary place with your own fears, thoughts, uncertainties. Someone comes along; changes the battery; gives a push ; brings you up to pace with the world ; and you start moving again ! And what does it want ? What doe a clock want ? It just wants to show you how you are losing time and how you have no control on the passage of time ! Just shows you how you can just not go back and try changing something ! Helplessness in accepting the movement of time ; does life want us to believe that.
Is life like a printing press ? Prints new jobs, new colors every day. Changes the whole paradigm of colors in hours. Has occasional breakdowns ; again when you need external help ! Tries to create records occasionally when things are in control and challenges are less. Tries to manage at other times and run slower when challenges are manifold and jobs are difficult to print. And limps when it is too tough to sustain momentum and when everything in the whole is against it ? More the colors more the complexity in a printing press ; more the variables , more the complexity in life !
I don't know what life is closest to and what it wants ! Just go on; and whenever you find out ; please let me know !
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The present me !
Well well well.
Its all getting too confusing. Pressure is mounting, things are going out of control . The job is getting tougher day by day. Loosing control of the floor, not knowing what is hapenning where, how to proceed ? What awaits us in the future. All I know is that the next month is going to be a hell of a month.
Nothing besides the daily schedule. A movie a day has become the routine whenever I find time. No enthu for liquor also. Surprising ! :) Tennis, Squash etc is almost history. Maybe need a tennis partner at the earliest.
What is complex are the emotions. Emotions which dictate the day and change too fast for my liking. Sometimes the will to undertake something big and and on other occassions an easy go-chill attitude in life. A conflict with the inner self. I have lost interest and I fear if this is the way I am going to live the rest of my life ! Have to crawl out of this, dont know how ! Have to figure it myself, dont know from where to channel the energy to do so !
Wht is that that I want , I dont know ! Maybe nobody knows ! Maybe some know ! Maybe the ones who know do better ! Maybe everyone goes on this path blind folded and discovers as he/she goes on. I thought I will also discover as I go on. However the roads seems too serpentine and not leading anywhere. What do I need ? A break ! Cant afford it ! A thought ? Many cross my mind at the same time! A friend to talk to ? No, I need to resolve things myself. Then what do I need ? The need to know what I need !
Sometimes I feel it was much better 4-5 years back. Atleast the energy was there to explore. But what has changed in the last few years ! Maybe something has, which has triggered this all ! and maybe nothing has changed, it's all just a perception. What is that I look for . For peace ? for truth ? for freedom ? for happiness ? for love ? Why ? All feeble emotions of a desperate human existance trying to justify the existance of something that does not exist ! And where does this all end ?
Everything else is more or less Ok in life!
Its all getting too confusing. Pressure is mounting, things are going out of control . The job is getting tougher day by day. Loosing control of the floor, not knowing what is hapenning where, how to proceed ? What awaits us in the future. All I know is that the next month is going to be a hell of a month.
Nothing besides the daily schedule. A movie a day has become the routine whenever I find time. No enthu for liquor also. Surprising ! :) Tennis, Squash etc is almost history. Maybe need a tennis partner at the earliest.
What is complex are the emotions. Emotions which dictate the day and change too fast for my liking. Sometimes the will to undertake something big and and on other occassions an easy go-chill attitude in life. A conflict with the inner self. I have lost interest and I fear if this is the way I am going to live the rest of my life ! Have to crawl out of this, dont know how ! Have to figure it myself, dont know from where to channel the energy to do so !
Wht is that that I want , I dont know ! Maybe nobody knows ! Maybe some know ! Maybe the ones who know do better ! Maybe everyone goes on this path blind folded and discovers as he/she goes on. I thought I will also discover as I go on. However the roads seems too serpentine and not leading anywhere. What do I need ? A break ! Cant afford it ! A thought ? Many cross my mind at the same time! A friend to talk to ? No, I need to resolve things myself. Then what do I need ? The need to know what I need !
Sometimes I feel it was much better 4-5 years back. Atleast the energy was there to explore. But what has changed in the last few years ! Maybe something has, which has triggered this all ! and maybe nothing has changed, it's all just a perception. What is that I look for . For peace ? for truth ? for freedom ? for happiness ? for love ? Why ? All feeble emotions of a desperate human existance trying to justify the existance of something that does not exist ! And where does this all end ?
Everything else is more or less Ok in life!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
2006-2007
Its been an year since I blogged. An eventful year of my life.
In retrospect, I would say "It has been an year which has probably taught me the most about my professional strengths and weaknesses, has acclimitised me to what I felt were mundane jobs with no thrill, has helped me link the micro in my life to the macro, has brought me closer to my family and friends."
I have found new friends; quite influential ones. Guidance by Raveen is by far the most enriching experience of last year. I have had a lot to learn from the likes of Sarfraz, Yash, Mounish, Sarabjeet, Sandy, Satish and my affable customers. I have seen Chennai to some extent now and I believe its not too bad a place to live in. Only problem being its a bit too dead and you need good company to survive Chennai.
I have missed Kunnu, Dola, Mayur, Saransh, Preet, Rahul, Chandu, Saloni, Shikha, Utsav, Tolu and umpteen other juniors who will always be a very important part of my life. Boka, Khushboo, Sam are the ones I have turned to for advice and enthu, when the two were needed the most. For a change, my relationships from college have spilled over to my working life :) (very much unlike my school days where I totally lost contact with my school friends). ITC has been a rewarding experience with a host of challenges, opportunities and horizontal growth. It still continues to be after 1 year of dedication to ITC.
However, what seems to be still lacking is a direction on what to do, what to achieve and how to do it ? Maybe the question will always remain, at every turn of life ! Every day, I resolve to find the answer to the same and everyday I fail to accomplish the task ! Guided by others, I move with no vision of my own, lost in the sands to time, grappling to find that one thing that will blow me out of my mind.
In retrospect, I would say "It has been an year which has probably taught me the most about my professional strengths and weaknesses, has acclimitised me to what I felt were mundane jobs with no thrill, has helped me link the micro in my life to the macro, has brought me closer to my family and friends."
I have found new friends; quite influential ones. Guidance by Raveen is by far the most enriching experience of last year. I have had a lot to learn from the likes of Sarfraz, Yash, Mounish, Sarabjeet, Sandy, Satish and my affable customers. I have seen Chennai to some extent now and I believe its not too bad a place to live in. Only problem being its a bit too dead and you need good company to survive Chennai.
I have missed Kunnu, Dola, Mayur, Saransh, Preet, Rahul, Chandu, Saloni, Shikha, Utsav, Tolu and umpteen other juniors who will always be a very important part of my life. Boka, Khushboo, Sam are the ones I have turned to for advice and enthu, when the two were needed the most. For a change, my relationships from college have spilled over to my working life :) (very much unlike my school days where I totally lost contact with my school friends). ITC has been a rewarding experience with a host of challenges, opportunities and horizontal growth. It still continues to be after 1 year of dedication to ITC.
However, what seems to be still lacking is a direction on what to do, what to achieve and how to do it ? Maybe the question will always remain, at every turn of life ! Every day, I resolve to find the answer to the same and everyday I fail to accomplish the task ! Guided by others, I move with no vision of my own, lost in the sands to time, grappling to find that one thing that will blow me out of my mind.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Good morning
Good morning.
This is the first time I have got up at 6:00 after coming to Chennai. I wonder what has propelled me to get up so early ? Is it the morning tennis or is it the need for feeling the coolness of the morning so as to sustain the blistering sun throughout the day ?
A tough day ahead. A day when I have to inititate a few work practices on the shop floor, "never easy". My course next week has got postponed, thanks to non-availability of skillfully trained faculty. What implications that will have is tough to judge ! And I dont want to add another dimension to all what I am ruminating on these days.
The cold has got better. Thankfully ! It was horrible last night when I went off to sleep. I will have to start looking at a solution to this persistent cold rather than allow the body to develop its own immunity system as I have been doing so.
Lots of visits to the shop floor by important entities next week. Would be fun coming to know so many people. Knowing people is always fun, isnt it ?
And lets explore the monetary issues today. Atleast start on it.
Phew ! I dont want to write more. I have so much to do and miles to go before I sleep again.
So all I would say is "Come on dear day. I am ready to overcome everything you throw at me".
This is the first time I have got up at 6:00 after coming to Chennai. I wonder what has propelled me to get up so early ? Is it the morning tennis or is it the need for feeling the coolness of the morning so as to sustain the blistering sun throughout the day ?
A tough day ahead. A day when I have to inititate a few work practices on the shop floor, "never easy". My course next week has got postponed, thanks to non-availability of skillfully trained faculty. What implications that will have is tough to judge ! And I dont want to add another dimension to all what I am ruminating on these days.
The cold has got better. Thankfully ! It was horrible last night when I went off to sleep. I will have to start looking at a solution to this persistent cold rather than allow the body to develop its own immunity system as I have been doing so.
Lots of visits to the shop floor by important entities next week. Would be fun coming to know so many people. Knowing people is always fun, isnt it ?
And lets explore the monetary issues today. Atleast start on it.
Phew ! I dont want to write more. I have so much to do and miles to go before I sleep again.
So all I would say is "Come on dear day. I am ready to overcome everything you throw at me".
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Arrogate
The journey begins in a small faction of my vast domain. There are many of my agents who pass on to me "response". Response which has no meaning. Response which has no substance. I an the one who creates substance. I possess a power unmatched. I possess weapons of self-destruction.
You want to go on a ride. Where would you like to go ? Somewhere where it is safe and comforting. No problemo. I will take you along. Oh but a safe and comforting stint; is it adventurous and pacy. It seldom is. Do you like to be called adventurous ? Do you like to be associated with moments of courage and moments of exploration ? Yeah, we all adore that. Or do you like to be cocooned in a soft, cozy, safe and comforting place? I dont think so. So is going to such a place a nice idea ? What do you have to say. Ah! What can you say . "Nothing"
Lets move. You like the swings and the ups-downs in life. You like challenges and you like to be called great. You like to be acquanted with all the knowledge of the world; be it entertainment, business... anything. You want to do every work in the "bestest" way it can be done. Do you ? yeah you do. Your smile tells me you do. Go ahead have a shot. i have landed you right where you will find lots of challenges and similar oppurtunities to demonstrate your mettle. But ........ Oh you chickened out. Why? ofcourse because of me again. I dont like this place. This place means a lot of efforts. No I would like to move on. And as I said I am the most powerful.
Do you have something to say, "Nothing"
Do you want to be delusional. Do you want to day-dream. Or do you want to be enveloped by thoughts of the past; disturbed by moments when you could not seize control and influence results. Do you want everything to be the way you want it to be ?
So what if you want all this. It is me who decides what will happen. I do not want you to be rationale. Well so be it. And I want you to be disturbed about solutions which do not exist, which are just a figment of your imagination. Again I am the all conquering. Do you protest ? of course you can protest "Nothing"
I am unpredictable. You want me and I will fail you. You want me and I will aid you. What would happen when; you have no right to decide. Do you ? What do you think ? See you have no right to decide or do you ? Its up to my discretion.
But you scare me sometimes. You have something which controls me. I am scared of it. It envelopes me and doesnt let me go. It clings on to me and doesnt let me breathe. What is that thing ? You better keep it away from you. Remember I am you best friend and not that stupid thing which brings in a lot of mushy effusiveness. I know finally you will come back to me. When all is lost, you will. But why do you allow it to conquer me in the first instance. Cant we fight it together. I need you help. Maybe I am not that powerful any more. I am feeling jittery. Stick with me and we will pull through. Or else trudge the path; let me be captured; lose all that you possess and come back to me. We will sit together with a bottle of beer hand in hand.
But you know what. Every time you let me be conquered, when I am released from the chains, I AM MORE POWERFUL. I guess you have made me powerful. Have you or have you not ? Of course you have. Right? You agree; :) you dont have a choice to disagree.
You want to go on a ride. Where would you like to go ? Somewhere where it is safe and comforting. No problemo. I will take you along. Oh but a safe and comforting stint; is it adventurous and pacy. It seldom is. Do you like to be called adventurous ? Do you like to be associated with moments of courage and moments of exploration ? Yeah, we all adore that. Or do you like to be cocooned in a soft, cozy, safe and comforting place? I dont think so. So is going to such a place a nice idea ? What do you have to say. Ah! What can you say . "Nothing"
Lets move. You like the swings and the ups-downs in life. You like challenges and you like to be called great. You like to be acquanted with all the knowledge of the world; be it entertainment, business... anything. You want to do every work in the "bestest" way it can be done. Do you ? yeah you do. Your smile tells me you do. Go ahead have a shot. i have landed you right where you will find lots of challenges and similar oppurtunities to demonstrate your mettle. But ........ Oh you chickened out. Why? ofcourse because of me again. I dont like this place. This place means a lot of efforts. No I would like to move on. And as I said I am the most powerful.
Do you have something to say, "Nothing"
Do you want to be delusional. Do you want to day-dream. Or do you want to be enveloped by thoughts of the past; disturbed by moments when you could not seize control and influence results. Do you want everything to be the way you want it to be ?
So what if you want all this. It is me who decides what will happen. I do not want you to be rationale. Well so be it. And I want you to be disturbed about solutions which do not exist, which are just a figment of your imagination. Again I am the all conquering. Do you protest ? of course you can protest "Nothing"
I am unpredictable. You want me and I will fail you. You want me and I will aid you. What would happen when; you have no right to decide. Do you ? What do you think ? See you have no right to decide or do you ? Its up to my discretion.
But you scare me sometimes. You have something which controls me. I am scared of it. It envelopes me and doesnt let me go. It clings on to me and doesnt let me breathe. What is that thing ? You better keep it away from you. Remember I am you best friend and not that stupid thing which brings in a lot of mushy effusiveness. I know finally you will come back to me. When all is lost, you will. But why do you allow it to conquer me in the first instance. Cant we fight it together. I need you help. Maybe I am not that powerful any more. I am feeling jittery. Stick with me and we will pull through. Or else trudge the path; let me be captured; lose all that you possess and come back to me. We will sit together with a bottle of beer hand in hand.
But you know what. Every time you let me be conquered, when I am released from the chains, I AM MORE POWERFUL. I guess you have made me powerful. Have you or have you not ? Of course you have. Right? You agree; :) you dont have a choice to disagree.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Love, Life and Laughter
Thought for the day "Love and fault finding go hand in hand. The more you love someone; the lesser faults you will find in that person".
This was displayed on the public notice board in my plant when I entered the plant today morning at 11:00 am. Beautiful quote indeed, I thought. I registered it somewhere in my thoughts and forgot about it.
Now, having come to my abode at around 6:30, sipping beer, having Lays and buzzing friends whom I can see online for a warm chat, I was reminded of what I had read in the morning. And as I ruminate about the same (linking it to my life), it is indeed contradictory to what all his transpired with me in the past.
I believe what happens is that when you get closer to a person, his/her faults/weaknesses begin to show through. You dont notice them when you are far off since all that you want is to be closer to the other soul.
However, that should not deter one from falling in love. Beacuse when you are falling in love with someone, the feeling is awesome and unexplainable. Forget the rest.
Aneways, a surprise act. Wrote a poem. Emotions can turn anyone into a poet, no doubt.
So here it goes.
" Love, life and laughter
Is what I believe
I search for that shimmering light
So that my lonely heart no longer weeps
I never learnt how to hold on to love
And stay strong to love
Now I close my eyes
And I am dreaming about thee"
This was displayed on the public notice board in my plant when I entered the plant today morning at 11:00 am. Beautiful quote indeed, I thought. I registered it somewhere in my thoughts and forgot about it.
Now, having come to my abode at around 6:30, sipping beer, having Lays and buzzing friends whom I can see online for a warm chat, I was reminded of what I had read in the morning. And as I ruminate about the same (linking it to my life), it is indeed contradictory to what all his transpired with me in the past.
I believe what happens is that when you get closer to a person, his/her faults/weaknesses begin to show through. You dont notice them when you are far off since all that you want is to be closer to the other soul.
However, that should not deter one from falling in love. Beacuse when you are falling in love with someone, the feeling is awesome and unexplainable. Forget the rest.
Aneways, a surprise act. Wrote a poem. Emotions can turn anyone into a poet, no doubt.
So here it goes.
" Love, life and laughter
Is what I believe
I search for that shimmering light
So that my lonely heart no longer weeps
I never learnt how to hold on to love
And stay strong to love
Now I close my eyes
And I am dreaming about thee"
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Metamorphosis
10th August is drawing nearer. A special day for me indeed. On 10th August, I would have completed a month of my job at ITC.
I am currently at Bombay, here for my convocation. This trip has been a sort of reflection in addition to ofcourse the abound joy it has surged within me to meet friends and juniors. Nothing much has changed at IITB I must say. But looking at myself, I believe there has settled down in me a metamorphosis phase. I do not know what to talk about besides my job. If I ponder on the last one month, I cannot express what I have done in my spare time when I have not been working. This is a testimony to the fact that my party life and my fun life have come to halt, now that I have shifted to Chennai. A thought which itches me.
The biggest shock of the day was that I could not remember I was penning down a book some 10 days back. I have completely forgotten about the so fabulous venture I had decided to set myself on.
The job has involved sogging a lot of pressure and I believe all this memory loss is an effect of the same (though I predict some would immediately say that all this is because of an old CPU :) . ). The naiveness has begun to disappear and a matured self is coming through, something which i dont like at all.
Aneways, it has been a fun filled 9th of August. One which shall be etched in my mind forever. It has conjured memories of the wonderful days that have rolled by, days spent in the company of some wonderful people. I always believe that a person's life is enriched mostly by the friends/company he possesses. And 9th of August was spent with some of the most dearest ones in life. Every moment of the day was savored. I craved for the time to standstill. But comforting words they were when it was aptly put, "Forget that you are leaving, and enjpy the time you have here".
I am currently at Bombay, here for my convocation. This trip has been a sort of reflection in addition to ofcourse the abound joy it has surged within me to meet friends and juniors. Nothing much has changed at IITB I must say. But looking at myself, I believe there has settled down in me a metamorphosis phase. I do not know what to talk about besides my job. If I ponder on the last one month, I cannot express what I have done in my spare time when I have not been working. This is a testimony to the fact that my party life and my fun life have come to halt, now that I have shifted to Chennai. A thought which itches me.
The biggest shock of the day was that I could not remember I was penning down a book some 10 days back. I have completely forgotten about the so fabulous venture I had decided to set myself on.
The job has involved sogging a lot of pressure and I believe all this memory loss is an effect of the same (though I predict some would immediately say that all this is because of an old CPU :) . ). The naiveness has begun to disappear and a matured self is coming through, something which i dont like at all.
Aneways, it has been a fun filled 9th of August. One which shall be etched in my mind forever. It has conjured memories of the wonderful days that have rolled by, days spent in the company of some wonderful people. I always believe that a person's life is enriched mostly by the friends/company he possesses. And 9th of August was spent with some of the most dearest ones in life. Every moment of the day was savored. I craved for the time to standstill. But comforting words they were when it was aptly put, "Forget that you are leaving, and enjpy the time you have here".
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Hello !
Hi everybody ...
How are you doing ? I am two weeks into the job ! And I must say it has been en eventful two weeks. Lots of learning, innovation and growth. The first two weeks have been spent learnign the business perspective of ITC and some of the critical decision making which haunts all businesses. With 5 other engineers and 11 MBA students, it has been a small stint where I have experienced a pinch of group dynamics, a bit of strategic business developing, and a lot of nostalgia. Yups ! I miss you all a lot. More on it later when I get my laptop in the next week. Till then. Take care. Luv you all.
How are you doing ? I am two weeks into the job ! And I must say it has been en eventful two weeks. Lots of learning, innovation and growth. The first two weeks have been spent learnign the business perspective of ITC and some of the critical decision making which haunts all businesses. With 5 other engineers and 11 MBA students, it has been a small stint where I have experienced a pinch of group dynamics, a bit of strategic business developing, and a lot of nostalgia. Yups ! I miss you all a lot. More on it later when I get my laptop in the next week. Till then. Take care. Luv you all.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
To all of you
"A new phase of life about to start,
With a racing pulse and a pounding heart,
With hopes and aspirations to achieve something huge ......"
I dont remember the rest. that was the first poem I heard, recited when came to IIT five years back. Written by a friend, the first few lines have etched a place in my memories forever. Project over, finally a Mtech. There's not much of hapiness though, it seems to be such a monotonous ritual now, having seen so many of my seniors clear this hurdle with ease. The ease factor does take away the fun factor from a hurdle.
Now for people who visit this blog often (or are rather forced to !). Thanks for being such an integral part of my emotions, feelings, the sojourn of my personal feelings in the past few months. The next phase of life is going to be drastically different. I am a bit apprehensive if I ever will be able to give time to Orkut, logging, staying in contact with friends. Though I must say i will try my best.
[Taru] You were my inspiration to blog actually. I read your blogs and found them very interesting and deep. :) Whatever you write is absolutely amazing.
[Shreya] You visited my blog accidentally and then came back. Thanks for the company.
[Saransh] Another avid reader. The first person i contact after having written a blog for feedback. yo !! Start blogging dear and keep up the enthu.
[Maru] A dear friend/junior. The one in which you wrote abt the trek turned me nostalgic.
[Boka] Sahi hai bhai. Kadak hai. December mein aaja yaar. Its been an year now. - tttdh But somehow tere passout hone pe zyada senti tha yaar main
[Khushboo] Ab Kya bolu. Nahi bol sakta. :). "An enigma very hard to explain". Do get to the tennis pro-circuit. And live life as you have been living till now. Aaj subeh srsly man kiya ke waapas chala jau Bombay :). Seemed nature was conspiring and didn't want me here.
How was the presentation besides ?
Ofcourse this is not the last blog. But it marks the end of a milestone. I plan to stay away from the comp a while when I get to Chennai. Plan to run a lot, play a lot, read a lot, not get into close relationships :), do what i used to do in my school days. Its tough to part once these bonds develop; that is what i have discovered these last couple of days.
With a racing pulse and a pounding heart,
With hopes and aspirations to achieve something huge ......"
I dont remember the rest. that was the first poem I heard, recited when came to IIT five years back. Written by a friend, the first few lines have etched a place in my memories forever. Project over, finally a Mtech. There's not much of hapiness though, it seems to be such a monotonous ritual now, having seen so many of my seniors clear this hurdle with ease. The ease factor does take away the fun factor from a hurdle.
Now for people who visit this blog often (or are rather forced to !). Thanks for being such an integral part of my emotions, feelings, the sojourn of my personal feelings in the past few months. The next phase of life is going to be drastically different. I am a bit apprehensive if I ever will be able to give time to Orkut, logging, staying in contact with friends. Though I must say i will try my best.
[Taru] You were my inspiration to blog actually. I read your blogs and found them very interesting and deep. :) Whatever you write is absolutely amazing.
[Shreya] You visited my blog accidentally and then came back. Thanks for the company.
[Saransh] Another avid reader. The first person i contact after having written a blog for feedback. yo !! Start blogging dear and keep up the enthu.
[Maru] A dear friend/junior. The one in which you wrote abt the trek turned me nostalgic.
[Boka] Sahi hai bhai. Kadak hai. December mein aaja yaar. Its been an year now. - tttdh But somehow tere passout hone pe zyada senti tha yaar main
[Khushboo] Ab Kya bolu. Nahi bol sakta. :). "An enigma very hard to explain". Do get to the tennis pro-circuit. And live life as you have been living till now. Aaj subeh srsly man kiya ke waapas chala jau Bombay :). Seemed nature was conspiring and didn't want me here.
How was the presentation besides ?
Ofcourse this is not the last blog. But it marks the end of a milestone. I plan to stay away from the comp a while when I get to Chennai. Plan to run a lot, play a lot, read a lot, not get into close relationships :), do what i used to do in my school days. Its tough to part once these bonds develop; that is what i have discovered these last couple of days.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Reflections
Hopefully I will be graduating today. After the presentation in the evening today, I will know for certain. Still performing a few simulations, my last piece of research here in IIT (assuming I graduate).
One of my professors met me today and gave me a beautiful card. It had a picture of IIT Bombay (in the '70s). Amazing shot, I took some time to comprehend the hostels and other places of IIT in the snap. And that is because IIT has changed such a lot in these 30 years (And mark my words : It has nothing to do with the processor speed or the CPU as some might think.)
I have to do a lot of things in these last 2-3 days and I don't know where to start. I hate this part ! where you have to sort out everything before leaving a place but I do hope I get to do it often enough in life.
I noticed I have been missing my school a lot in the past few days. I don't know why ? All that I have been discussing with my friends has been my school memories. Even blogging abt my school days; turning people nostalgic :)
I have been ruminating on some philosophical issues as well. I was in a long discussion with a friend the other day. We were discussing whether Gandhi would ever be recongized or worshipped as a GOD. My views were that since Gandhi has scripted the story of his life quite boldly in his autobiography, the notion and the feeling of "GOD" shall never cling on to him. He will be considered a mortal human being; with people either liking him a lot or criticising him for his actions. Nice talk though led to no conclusions. No-one was ready to wither form the opinions we had in our minds even before the discussion started.
And yeah Italy triumphed. All Germany supporters; I hope they are not sad. Germany was never expected to reach this far and they have truly given the world cup a lot with their passion for the game and the spirit with which they played. I would love to coach an Indian team someday and take them to the world cup finals. I was even thinking of the possible comments I could give in press conferences before/after matches.
The week has been quite informative as well. I have learnt that a foreign trip awaits me in the future. It has been confirmed that i have a lot of enemies but on the contrary i would always lead a peaceful life without too many struggles ! All this at the stroke of a hand. Nice little piece of info ! Its fun to have a glimpse of the future.
I think its time to sleep ! 4 more days to go and then I am off to Chennai ! What a transformation that would be. Looking forward to the venture.
One of my professors met me today and gave me a beautiful card. It had a picture of IIT Bombay (in the '70s). Amazing shot, I took some time to comprehend the hostels and other places of IIT in the snap. And that is because IIT has changed such a lot in these 30 years (And mark my words : It has nothing to do with the processor speed or the CPU as some might think.)
I have to do a lot of things in these last 2-3 days and I don't know where to start. I hate this part ! where you have to sort out everything before leaving a place but I do hope I get to do it often enough in life.
I noticed I have been missing my school a lot in the past few days. I don't know why ? All that I have been discussing with my friends has been my school memories. Even blogging abt my school days; turning people nostalgic :)
I have been ruminating on some philosophical issues as well. I was in a long discussion with a friend the other day. We were discussing whether Gandhi would ever be recongized or worshipped as a GOD. My views were that since Gandhi has scripted the story of his life quite boldly in his autobiography, the notion and the feeling of "GOD" shall never cling on to him. He will be considered a mortal human being; with people either liking him a lot or criticising him for his actions. Nice talk though led to no conclusions. No-one was ready to wither form the opinions we had in our minds even before the discussion started.
And yeah Italy triumphed. All Germany supporters; I hope they are not sad. Germany was never expected to reach this far and they have truly given the world cup a lot with their passion for the game and the spirit with which they played. I would love to coach an Indian team someday and take them to the world cup finals. I was even thinking of the possible comments I could give in press conferences before/after matches.
The week has been quite informative as well. I have learnt that a foreign trip awaits me in the future. It has been confirmed that i have a lot of enemies but on the contrary i would always lead a peaceful life without too many struggles ! All this at the stroke of a hand. Nice little piece of info ! Its fun to have a glimpse of the future.
I think its time to sleep ! 4 more days to go and then I am off to Chennai ! What a transformation that would be. Looking forward to the venture.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
"Gitanjali," or, as known by its English title, "Let my country awake"
"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action---
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."
A wonderful poem by Rabindrantah Tagore.
Reminds me of my school days. The day used to start with the morning assembly. This poem was read on a particular day of the weak after the national anthem had been sung by the students. It is the only "Thought for the day" which I vividly remember from my school days. It used to instill in me lots of love, passion for India. It had a certain aura to it and it made me proud of my nation everytime I heard it. I also remember that one day when I recited a poem in the assembly. I was very scared, my legs were trembling as I stepped out of a group of around 1000 students to recite the poem in front of the whole school. I really don't know how I fared; for once I started reciting the poem, I have no recollections of the pace at which I went or the words I spoke. It must have been OK, becuase I got a decent applause at the end of this effort. School days ! I wish I could go back to school. I am very exhausted becuase I have been typing my final stage report for the past 2-3 days. And though I wanted to sleep, the lovely poem just sweeped through my mind conjuring memories of my school.
Ahh ! I remember this one time when participating in an inter-hostel debate, I had the guts to try out something afresh. The topic was "The World is heading towards self-destruction". Niharika madam helped me pen down the debate. I remember starting like this "Imagine myself as a bird, flying to different countries. Where shall I go? USA.... No way ! My children would then go to school, get arms and shoot each other. Horrifying. Or should I visit Chechnya ? On second thoughts no. The acid rain will destroy my wings" and so on. While I was debating, I tried to imitate the flapping of wings of a bird using my hands. The whole school rolled with laughter at this gesture. After the debate and before the results, the house master of DRH (min you i was in PH and it was an inter-hostel debate) walked up to me and shook my hand. He was moved by my performance. The judges were not, and when I returned to my class (shell schocked at having lost when I was expecting the first position) the whole class welcomed me by copying my flying gesture. It as in the air for a few days, the bird thing and then it died down. Thanks to Niharika Madam for giving me my best shot.
I took part in an inter-class poetry competition and I recited a poem by TS Eliot. I remember the last line
"And this is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang but a whimper".
Again an outrageous performance applause everywhere but I lost; to the same girl who had won the debate the other day. She sang a poem on Macavity a mystery cat. It went something like this I reckon "Macavity, Macavity, u defy the laws of gravity". Sexy poem.
Its not tha i always lost. I won the inter-school zonal coding competition and brought back the trophy we had last few years back to our arch-rivals YPS Mohali. Oops ! I forgot to mention my school name, YPS Patiala. I also remember winning tennis matches for school and hostel. I ran in the 3000 metres race on the Athletics day for my hostel and came third. No mean achievement.
I was a brilliant kid, no doubt,a perfect all-rounder. Sports, debates, poetry, academics, you name it I could excel in it. One thing I never had was friends. I just stayed away from everybody. I went to school by a bus. Attend all my classes, not bunk any of them as some of my batchmates did. I should have bunked one or two to hand out with them. Play tennis in the evenings. I had to improve on my tennis, so I couldn't spend the sports time meandering on with my friends, could I ? And then the zeal to top the class time and again. So i hurried home after school and got bac to homework immediately after some refreshments.
I was invited to birthday parties and I went to all of them. We used to play "hide and seek" and wait for the return gift when we knew the party was about to be over. I used to throw a party every year as well. I liked to entertain my friends by playing cricket with them. I didn't like "hide-and-seek" much. I remember on my 7th or 8th birthday. I received some 12-15 gifts. Almost 80% of them were pencil boxes. That was the cheapest sensible thing you could get to gift someone. It dawned to me that since the time I had been attending birthdays I had been gifting pencil boxes to my friends. OccassionallyI would gift a "Famour Five"/"Nancy Drew" books to the boys/girls respectively. It was a lesson; maybe I had inculcated the same habit in all my friends; it was the easy way out, wasn't it. From that day onwards, I never gifted pencil-boxes. I used to search for a good gift, spend time looking for it. relaised the importance of gifts.
Crushes! I had a few crushes. I can recollect 3. But thats it. I was the shy kind. I could never talk to any girl. I am still :). There was this one time when in class 5; in a midbreak brawl; one of the girls picked me up and threw me on a table. It was fun, those years.
I was caught cheating in 5th standard. That robbed me of the Best Junior school student trophy. I was again caught in 7th. It was my comp science teacher, Manvinder Sir. He just changed my seat and he was disappointed by my actions. I felt real embarassed. He was one person i was fond of. I have never ever cheated in an exam since then. That was the only semester in my 5 years of studying computer sceince at YPS when I got less than 99 in the subject. I rocked when it came to computers.
I had a fight in 10th. I would call ita draw. I don't remember the cause we were fighting for.
And yes ! the food carnival in 8th. There was this day in 8th when all students were grouped into teams of 5 each and were aksed to get any home prepared dish to school. The idea was to prepare it yourself; not take help from the parents. But over the years, it had turned into an unsaid agreement that parents would prepare the dish and students would just decorate the dish. I think we prepared the "Russian Salad". Fabulous preparation, very tasty. It had beans and lots of other things (I can't recall today).
Lots of memories! Some on the mischeivious front. The best possible use of concave mirrors I have ever seen in my life. All that hustle when someone would bring one of those magazines to school. We would tear up pages; sit on the last bench and read the stories. Peeping into school bags when we had no right to do so. Typical Boyish stuff !
When i entered my 10th class, I asked my parents to give me a vehicle so that I could drive to school instead of taking the school bus. They gave me my first vehicle, a luna (Panther was the make). When i returned home at 5:00 in the evening, I was accompanied by my classmates on their Enfields, scooters and motorcycles. They would span the whole road and sing "Bade Bade pahiyo se badhi hai iski shaan, Panther, Panther". An advertisement on TV those days for the Panther I proudly owned.
School was fun. I wish i could sleep tonite in the stadium of the school under a clear blue sky.
"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action---
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."
A wonderful poem by Rabindrantah Tagore.
Reminds me of my school days. The day used to start with the morning assembly. This poem was read on a particular day of the weak after the national anthem had been sung by the students. It is the only "Thought for the day" which I vividly remember from my school days. It used to instill in me lots of love, passion for India. It had a certain aura to it and it made me proud of my nation everytime I heard it. I also remember that one day when I recited a poem in the assembly. I was very scared, my legs were trembling as I stepped out of a group of around 1000 students to recite the poem in front of the whole school. I really don't know how I fared; for once I started reciting the poem, I have no recollections of the pace at which I went or the words I spoke. It must have been OK, becuase I got a decent applause at the end of this effort. School days ! I wish I could go back to school. I am very exhausted becuase I have been typing my final stage report for the past 2-3 days. And though I wanted to sleep, the lovely poem just sweeped through my mind conjuring memories of my school.
Ahh ! I remember this one time when participating in an inter-hostel debate, I had the guts to try out something afresh. The topic was "The World is heading towards self-destruction". Niharika madam helped me pen down the debate. I remember starting like this "Imagine myself as a bird, flying to different countries. Where shall I go? USA.... No way ! My children would then go to school, get arms and shoot each other. Horrifying. Or should I visit Chechnya ? On second thoughts no. The acid rain will destroy my wings" and so on. While I was debating, I tried to imitate the flapping of wings of a bird using my hands. The whole school rolled with laughter at this gesture. After the debate and before the results, the house master of DRH (min you i was in PH and it was an inter-hostel debate) walked up to me and shook my hand. He was moved by my performance. The judges were not, and when I returned to my class (shell schocked at having lost when I was expecting the first position) the whole class welcomed me by copying my flying gesture. It as in the air for a few days, the bird thing and then it died down. Thanks to Niharika Madam for giving me my best shot.
I took part in an inter-class poetry competition and I recited a poem by TS Eliot. I remember the last line
"And this is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang but a whimper".
Again an outrageous performance applause everywhere but I lost; to the same girl who had won the debate the other day. She sang a poem on Macavity a mystery cat. It went something like this I reckon "Macavity, Macavity, u defy the laws of gravity". Sexy poem.
Its not tha i always lost. I won the inter-school zonal coding competition and brought back the trophy we had last few years back to our arch-rivals YPS Mohali. Oops ! I forgot to mention my school name, YPS Patiala. I also remember winning tennis matches for school and hostel. I ran in the 3000 metres race on the Athletics day for my hostel and came third. No mean achievement.
I was a brilliant kid, no doubt,a perfect all-rounder. Sports, debates, poetry, academics, you name it I could excel in it. One thing I never had was friends. I just stayed away from everybody. I went to school by a bus. Attend all my classes, not bunk any of them as some of my batchmates did. I should have bunked one or two to hand out with them. Play tennis in the evenings. I had to improve on my tennis, so I couldn't spend the sports time meandering on with my friends, could I ? And then the zeal to top the class time and again. So i hurried home after school and got bac to homework immediately after some refreshments.
I was invited to birthday parties and I went to all of them. We used to play "hide and seek" and wait for the return gift when we knew the party was about to be over. I used to throw a party every year as well. I liked to entertain my friends by playing cricket with them. I didn't like "hide-and-seek" much. I remember on my 7th or 8th birthday. I received some 12-15 gifts. Almost 80% of them were pencil boxes. That was the cheapest sensible thing you could get to gift someone. It dawned to me that since the time I had been attending birthdays I had been gifting pencil boxes to my friends. OccassionallyI would gift a "Famour Five"/"Nancy Drew" books to the boys/girls respectively. It was a lesson; maybe I had inculcated the same habit in all my friends; it was the easy way out, wasn't it. From that day onwards, I never gifted pencil-boxes. I used to search for a good gift, spend time looking for it. relaised the importance of gifts.
Crushes! I had a few crushes. I can recollect 3. But thats it. I was the shy kind. I could never talk to any girl. I am still :). There was this one time when in class 5; in a midbreak brawl; one of the girls picked me up and threw me on a table. It was fun, those years.
I was caught cheating in 5th standard. That robbed me of the Best Junior school student trophy. I was again caught in 7th. It was my comp science teacher, Manvinder Sir. He just changed my seat and he was disappointed by my actions. I felt real embarassed. He was one person i was fond of. I have never ever cheated in an exam since then. That was the only semester in my 5 years of studying computer sceince at YPS when I got less than 99 in the subject. I rocked when it came to computers.
I had a fight in 10th. I would call ita draw. I don't remember the cause we were fighting for.
And yes ! the food carnival in 8th. There was this day in 8th when all students were grouped into teams of 5 each and were aksed to get any home prepared dish to school. The idea was to prepare it yourself; not take help from the parents. But over the years, it had turned into an unsaid agreement that parents would prepare the dish and students would just decorate the dish. I think we prepared the "Russian Salad". Fabulous preparation, very tasty. It had beans and lots of other things (I can't recall today).
Lots of memories! Some on the mischeivious front. The best possible use of concave mirrors I have ever seen in my life. All that hustle when someone would bring one of those magazines to school. We would tear up pages; sit on the last bench and read the stories. Peeping into school bags when we had no right to do so. Typical Boyish stuff !
When i entered my 10th class, I asked my parents to give me a vehicle so that I could drive to school instead of taking the school bus. They gave me my first vehicle, a luna (Panther was the make). When i returned home at 5:00 in the evening, I was accompanied by my classmates on their Enfields, scooters and motorcycles. They would span the whole road and sing "Bade Bade pahiyo se badhi hai iski shaan, Panther, Panther". An advertisement on TV those days for the Panther I proudly owned.
School was fun. I wish i could sleep tonite in the stadium of the school under a clear blue sky.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Infatuations - extravagant, short-lived passion.
Following the FIFA World Cup and seeing it in the LT at IITB with some 100-200 more students is a lot of fun. The comments from the viewers are worth registering amongst one's memories. What is fun is the extravagant, short-lived passion all of us develop for the stars of a game. Just imagine; girls shouting Kaka, Messi, Becham, Gerrard and cheering them on when they haven't ever been interested in soccer throughout their lifes. And its not just the girls. We get so emotionally attached to our favourite players within a game. One of my freinds yesterday ditched a boozing session and one of the reasons attributed a win by England (which he did not desire). A lot of people root for Argentina, Brasil and get so attached that they stop appreciating the guile, craftsmanship and the moves of the opposition. I am no exception. I am a fan of England and I am happy on days when they play well. When they do not perform to expectations, I feel dejected, sullen. And i sometimes wonder why ?
I wonder why i am so attached to England ? Why I would love to see the Englishman(clad in their lovely red attires) win the World Cup ? I have been following the game for what; 3-4 years; I have seen 100 odd matches; I have never seen the likes of Lahm, Podolski, Saviola, Tony, Maniche perform prior to this world cup and still I root for England without much knowledge of other teams. What is it that binds me to them and not to lets say Ecuador ?
Good play attracts lots of fans. Good looks supplementing good play absolutely captures the hearts of those watching the game. Kaka is an example. Ronaldinho and Kaka might perform at par but who would captures the hearts of those watching the game; Its Kaka. Strikers are more appealing than defenders atleast to the naive followers of the game. All infatuations. They disappear as soon as the performance slumps within a game or when the match is over. The names of players then rest on the status messages of many. Even mine at times.
And then I ponder, what binds a team( or a player) to a person who is watching the game for the first time !
I wonder why i am so attached to England ? Why I would love to see the Englishman(clad in their lovely red attires) win the World Cup ? I have been following the game for what; 3-4 years; I have seen 100 odd matches; I have never seen the likes of Lahm, Podolski, Saviola, Tony, Maniche perform prior to this world cup and still I root for England without much knowledge of other teams. What is it that binds me to them and not to lets say Ecuador ?
Good play attracts lots of fans. Good looks supplementing good play absolutely captures the hearts of those watching the game. Kaka is an example. Ronaldinho and Kaka might perform at par but who would captures the hearts of those watching the game; Its Kaka. Strikers are more appealing than defenders atleast to the naive followers of the game. All infatuations. They disappear as soon as the performance slumps within a game or when the match is over. The names of players then rest on the status messages of many. Even mine at times.
And then I ponder, what binds a team( or a player) to a person who is watching the game for the first time !
Monday, June 19, 2006
Whenever in doubt !
I have by my experience learnt a simple test. It has worked for me quite well, so would like to share it. In relationships, I always used to be confused about the feelings of another person for me. I never could judge whether a person liked my company or not. And it seems very silly making a vain effort to strike a chord with someone when the other does not have any feelings for you.
What I did learn was that in such cases it is best to let the relation go loose. Do not try to indulge yourself in the company of the other! Sometimes it is also cool to not meet/talk with the person for a day or two. Then if there is true love and affection between the two hearts, the person will come back to you and the bond shall grow tighter. If you are not approached, a bond of the kind you imagined/wished for never existed in the first place and therefore do not continue with same effort as it will most likely lead to dejection.
What I did learn was that in such cases it is best to let the relation go loose. Do not try to indulge yourself in the company of the other! Sometimes it is also cool to not meet/talk with the person for a day or two. Then if there is true love and affection between the two hearts, the person will come back to you and the bond shall grow tighter. If you are not approached, a bond of the kind you imagined/wished for never existed in the first place and therefore do not continue with same effort as it will most likely lead to dejection.
Dreams
A perception of the wannabe ? Where we can achieve everything we aspire to be !
A relection of the inner state of mind. Sometimes, a guilt feeling for the wrongs we commit in broad day light ! At other times, elation for all that we have achieved during the day.
An arena where we can expand our horizons, imagine the wildest of stuff such as dinosaurs chasing us down in our own homes or be a part of the X-MEN league.
A place where we can set correct all our blemishes and faults !
A revelation of the future, faintly perceptible and lacking clear delineation !
And many a times, too abstract to be comprehended.
A relection of the inner state of mind. Sometimes, a guilt feeling for the wrongs we commit in broad day light ! At other times, elation for all that we have achieved during the day.
An arena where we can expand our horizons, imagine the wildest of stuff such as dinosaurs chasing us down in our own homes or be a part of the X-MEN league.
A place where we can set correct all our blemishes and faults !
A revelation of the future, faintly perceptible and lacking clear delineation !
And many a times, too abstract to be comprehended.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
The whole wriggling thing
I have to wriggle out of this hole. My eyes want to rest and go off to sleep, I am listening to Chopseuy time and again, my heart wants to go on a drive ... but I know I must study today. What a predicament !
Beautiful morning
It got up at around 8:30 in the morning today. I had had some very bad dreams last night, I remember one of them quite vividly. It still sends a chill or two down my spine as I recollect it now. [But thats another story, will write on Dreams some day].
When I got up, I could hear the ever so pleasant voice of the raindrops outside my window. I came out of the room to see a familiar sight. Greenery all around, outside my window, on the hill trudged many a times which takes us directly to Vihar lake, the hostel grounds, everything was lush green. I hope it rains a lot today and I wish this is the start of the rainy season I have been awaiting for so long. After all it might be my last feast of beautiful weather and lots of rain for a longggggggggg time to come. My room window provides a panaromic view in the rains and I am going to savour it for the 20 odd days I have at IITB now.
One thing I am missing today is the aroma that fills up the atmosphere when it rains. The aroma of the wet mud, especially in the first few showers of the season. Its slowed down a bit and I am off to take a walk in this rain.
Thank you Rain Goddess for everything. :)
When I got up, I could hear the ever so pleasant voice of the raindrops outside my window. I came out of the room to see a familiar sight. Greenery all around, outside my window, on the hill trudged many a times which takes us directly to Vihar lake, the hostel grounds, everything was lush green. I hope it rains a lot today and I wish this is the start of the rainy season I have been awaiting for so long. After all it might be my last feast of beautiful weather and lots of rain for a longggggggggg time to come. My room window provides a panaromic view in the rains and I am going to savour it for the 20 odd days I have at IITB now.
One thing I am missing today is the aroma that fills up the atmosphere when it rains. The aroma of the wet mud, especially in the first few showers of the season. Its slowed down a bit and I am off to take a walk in this rain.
Thank you Rain Goddess for everything. :)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Relationships - The script of my life
Something which I have been trying to comprehend for the last 5-6 years now. They are a complex web. An understanding of most of the relationships in my life has defied me till now. I have lost some of the dearest ones since I have not been able to understand the bond I have had with them.
Relationships can be categorised into 3 broad categories. If there is another kind, i still haven't experienced it or I don't remember having experienced it.
1) The first one I guess is the one we have with our parents, grandparents and other close relatives. As one friend put it aptly, its "infinite parental love" bestowed in such relationships. No complaints there, the advice/care i have received from my parents has always been the best. Another friend remarked a few days back that when we travel away from our homes (especially the boys) we tend to move a bit away from our parents. The fact that we begin to make our own decisions (sometimes adverse ones such as oversleeping/over-eating/not staying very clean), gives us an air of freedom not usually enjoyed at home. In the wake of all this, advice from parents to mend our ways seems irritating and unwanted for. And most of the students like me move away from home in their adolescence. In my case, such circumstances occassional trigger an outburst of anger on the phone and a guilty conscience follows suit.
I have no clue how parents feel when their children quarrel with them for no reasons at all.
2) The second one is our relationships with our friends. This has two subdivisons for me
a) Friends I always believe I cannot live without :- This is by far the most complex one for me. I have had a few such relationships which can be categorised into this domain. These have more or less scripted the past 5 years of my life. Some of them are now over, it seems finished forever. And when such bonds have been broken, they have always brought me a lot of pain, sadness and suffering. Those are the times I remember mostly today. I dont know why ? They have taught me a lot none-the-less. Possessiveness is one quality of mine which has made me suffer dearly. I have learnt a universal truth "Never get too close to people. From a distance apart, all that is visible are the good characterisitcs of someone's nature. As you get closer, you tend to start noticing the shortcomings and the imperfections in others" (Caution : These imperfections might exist only in your perspective, but then isn't that what matters the most.)
What I had forgotten is the immeasurable joy I experienced when these relationships were maturing and the friendship bond was getting stronger. This I can interpret from the hapiness I extract today by the development of new such relationships in my life today. In the last year of so, I have found bliss in the company of some of people i barely knew an year back. And while I was getting to know these people I remembered the good times I have had with some of my friends in the past (whose only memory brings me pain and sadness otherwise). Its not that i can't keep friends forever. Ones who have understood me and acclimitised to my shortcomings, have been steady friends forever. As i close my eyes and reflect on the past, i remember the bike drives, the trudge to Chinkos, the discussions we had in the late night, tennis, the most useful advice sessions, the testimonials on Orkut, the booze sessions, the bonfire on wing roof-top, the trek to Naneghat and Mahuli, the extraordinary night when we had Chivas Regal, the summer of 2003 (marked by pocket tanks and EP lab), the trip to Goa, the bike trip to Pune, PAF work (especially Khrashein), the watch i bought, the soup I had at a friend's place with the most comforting advice ever, the valfi ..... "MYSTIC EXPERIENCES" they were, most essential for self-actualization.
b) Friends I can live without :- The most coolest of relationships. The most beautiful aspect of such relationships is the lack of expectation on the part of the parties involved. Would like to say here that all my relationships with friends lie in this domain at the start. It is from here that they mature and stronger ties develop over a period of time.
3) Love :- I was browsing through Orkut when I read a befitting quote " Single = Happy. But sometimes you want to opt for happier". There is not a stronger feeling in the world as I have realised. It propels you to do the craziest of things. Better than to love is the feeling of being loved by someone. The path is not always easy as there are frequent quarrels and lots of expectations. It also seems apt that every good thing has to come to an end. It did finish all of a sudden. And it has left me some of the most craziest and delightful memories. There was a time when i loved to love her, now I love her loss, later on I will love her thoughts.
A complex web, indeed.
Relationships can be categorised into 3 broad categories. If there is another kind, i still haven't experienced it or I don't remember having experienced it.
1) The first one I guess is the one we have with our parents, grandparents and other close relatives. As one friend put it aptly, its "infinite parental love" bestowed in such relationships. No complaints there, the advice/care i have received from my parents has always been the best. Another friend remarked a few days back that when we travel away from our homes (especially the boys) we tend to move a bit away from our parents. The fact that we begin to make our own decisions (sometimes adverse ones such as oversleeping/over-eating/not staying very clean), gives us an air of freedom not usually enjoyed at home. In the wake of all this, advice from parents to mend our ways seems irritating and unwanted for. And most of the students like me move away from home in their adolescence. In my case, such circumstances occassional trigger an outburst of anger on the phone and a guilty conscience follows suit.
I have no clue how parents feel when their children quarrel with them for no reasons at all.
2) The second one is our relationships with our friends. This has two subdivisons for me
a) Friends I always believe I cannot live without :- This is by far the most complex one for me. I have had a few such relationships which can be categorised into this domain. These have more or less scripted the past 5 years of my life. Some of them are now over, it seems finished forever. And when such bonds have been broken, they have always brought me a lot of pain, sadness and suffering. Those are the times I remember mostly today. I dont know why ? They have taught me a lot none-the-less. Possessiveness is one quality of mine which has made me suffer dearly. I have learnt a universal truth "Never get too close to people. From a distance apart, all that is visible are the good characterisitcs of someone's nature. As you get closer, you tend to start noticing the shortcomings and the imperfections in others" (Caution : These imperfections might exist only in your perspective, but then isn't that what matters the most.)
What I had forgotten is the immeasurable joy I experienced when these relationships were maturing and the friendship bond was getting stronger. This I can interpret from the hapiness I extract today by the development of new such relationships in my life today. In the last year of so, I have found bliss in the company of some of people i barely knew an year back. And while I was getting to know these people I remembered the good times I have had with some of my friends in the past (whose only memory brings me pain and sadness otherwise). Its not that i can't keep friends forever. Ones who have understood me and acclimitised to my shortcomings, have been steady friends forever. As i close my eyes and reflect on the past, i remember the bike drives, the trudge to Chinkos, the discussions we had in the late night, tennis, the most useful advice sessions, the testimonials on Orkut, the booze sessions, the bonfire on wing roof-top, the trek to Naneghat and Mahuli, the extraordinary night when we had Chivas Regal, the summer of 2003 (marked by pocket tanks and EP lab), the trip to Goa, the bike trip to Pune, PAF work (especially Khrashein), the watch i bought, the soup I had at a friend's place with the most comforting advice ever, the valfi ..... "MYSTIC EXPERIENCES" they were, most essential for self-actualization.
b) Friends I can live without :- The most coolest of relationships. The most beautiful aspect of such relationships is the lack of expectation on the part of the parties involved. Would like to say here that all my relationships with friends lie in this domain at the start. It is from here that they mature and stronger ties develop over a period of time.
3) Love :- I was browsing through Orkut when I read a befitting quote " Single = Happy. But sometimes you want to opt for happier". There is not a stronger feeling in the world as I have realised. It propels you to do the craziest of things. Better than to love is the feeling of being loved by someone. The path is not always easy as there are frequent quarrels and lots of expectations. It also seems apt that every good thing has to come to an end. It did finish all of a sudden. And it has left me some of the most craziest and delightful memories. There was a time when i loved to love her, now I love her loss, later on I will love her thoughts.
A complex web, indeed.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Monday morning !
I dont think so I would have a more enjoyable Monday morning for years. A night out watching soccer followed by "V for Vendetta", dosas at Maddu, tea at Main Gate, cricket in the institute main ground. However, it wouldn't have been so special had it just finished there.
Ironically, in the 7th over when I got out, (as if it had a relationship with my dismissal), it began to rain. We ran for shelter to the Gym in the SAC. We were waiting for the rain to stop hoping we would be ble to continue our game. The rain only got fiercer and the chances of completing the match began to wither away. At that time, I, Mahesh and Candy decided to step on to the field and have some fun. We went to the pitch (which was almost puddled) and inspected the track giving our expert comments. I had seen one of the commentators using his keys to estimate the softness of the track and I followed suit. We had tennis balls and we started taking catched diving to our sides splashing in the water that was beginning to collect on the outfield. It was sheer delight as I had been waiting for the rains to arrive and I had missed the first few showers of the season last-to-last week. It rained for around an hour and in that hour, I also managed a small 5-10 minutes drive.
What an enjoyable Monday morning !
Ironically, in the 7th over when I got out, (as if it had a relationship with my dismissal), it began to rain. We ran for shelter to the Gym in the SAC. We were waiting for the rain to stop hoping we would be ble to continue our game. The rain only got fiercer and the chances of completing the match began to wither away. At that time, I, Mahesh and Candy decided to step on to the field and have some fun. We went to the pitch (which was almost puddled) and inspected the track giving our expert comments. I had seen one of the commentators using his keys to estimate the softness of the track and I followed suit. We had tennis balls and we started taking catched diving to our sides splashing in the water that was beginning to collect on the outfield. It was sheer delight as I had been waiting for the rains to arrive and I had missed the first few showers of the season last-to-last week. It rained for around an hour and in that hour, I also managed a small 5-10 minutes drive.
What an enjoyable Monday morning !
Sunday, June 11, 2006
3 - 2 - 1 Execute
Warning : Do not read this if you are planning to se M-I-III in the coming few days.
The movie was fun just like the first two M-I movies. It had more action and the stunts were better. When compared with other stunt action-packed movies, M-I-III provides a more realistic, a more natural and gritty feeling. Tom Cruise was at his best in doing what he does best. The sprint in the end was awesome, the action scenes on a bridge very exciting, but what stole the show for me was the jump from an 80 feet building. Tom Cruise is one person who does his stunts himself, and would have made an excellent stuntman had he trudged that path and not taken up acting.
And the gadgets as well as the use of technology. Absolutely superb. They always leave me wondering as to whether such state of the art sophisticated weaponry truly exists. I hope it does and all this not just a manifestation of the writer's or the action director's mind. Unique were the 4 guns in the first scene, controlled remotely, taking out all the terrorists in a building. The whole exercise seemd to simulate an entire army.
And how can I not mention Maggie Q. If in a team of 4 agents, if there is one girl, then she is definitely there for some purpose. Maggie Q looks beautiful, not only in her agent costumes but also the ravishing dress she wears on a mission in Italy. And don't get me started about her car on the mission.
All in all a thrilling experience.
The movie was fun just like the first two M-I movies. It had more action and the stunts were better. When compared with other stunt action-packed movies, M-I-III provides a more realistic, a more natural and gritty feeling. Tom Cruise was at his best in doing what he does best. The sprint in the end was awesome, the action scenes on a bridge very exciting, but what stole the show for me was the jump from an 80 feet building. Tom Cruise is one person who does his stunts himself, and would have made an excellent stuntman had he trudged that path and not taken up acting.
And the gadgets as well as the use of technology. Absolutely superb. They always leave me wondering as to whether such state of the art sophisticated weaponry truly exists. I hope it does and all this not just a manifestation of the writer's or the action director's mind. Unique were the 4 guns in the first scene, controlled remotely, taking out all the terrorists in a building. The whole exercise seemd to simulate an entire army.
And how can I not mention Maggie Q. If in a team of 4 agents, if there is one girl, then she is definitely there for some purpose. Maggie Q looks beautiful, not only in her agent costumes but also the ravishing dress she wears on a mission in Italy. And don't get me started about her car on the mission.
All in all a thrilling experience.
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